Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
