guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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