Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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