i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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