good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Barsexuality is the new black.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
