Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
