I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
