I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
