My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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