Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
