I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
