I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
