I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
