Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
