How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
