How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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