i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
