I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
