just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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