oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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