No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
