My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
