Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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