at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
