Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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