Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
