does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
