There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
