no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
