What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize