i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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