In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
