u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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