If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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