So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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