you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
