Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
