Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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