I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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