it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
