I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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