now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
