in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
