she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
