how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
