I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
