It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
