are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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