Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
