FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
