well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize