atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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