Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
