I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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