My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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