Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize