My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
