im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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