dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize