WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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