its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
