and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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