So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
