Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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