she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's like heaven, but drunker
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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