Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
