why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
