Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
