my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
