dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
