Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
